Smoking ?

Why did I just smoke that cigarette? I didn't really want it... God sake I just watched a old guy struggle to talk to me through a tube strapped around his throat with a round silver plate stuffed in his neck. Here I am working as a gas station attended selling pack after pack of cigarettes a day and most old timers nearly have all lost their voice too. I sometimes wonder how they sounded before years of smoking, before they started to sound like a out of tune chord about to die out completely. This old guy in-particularly probably had one too many drags of smoke travel down his own air hole, at a time he probably never suspected the worst of it to happen to him. The cost is all together another complaint but like gas fuel in our cars we pay the price no matter the cost... Its obviously no doubt the worst of habits, and here I am running through another pack of hot pink pack Camel No. 9's. I find myself digging through my mess of change in hopes of another $5 dollars that will meet my budget for yet another way to keep dragging back on my smooth smoke in desperate and even none desperate moments of "I need a cigarette!" Its always started as a social calling for me. Everyones out on the back porch, infront of the buildings of coffee shops and bars, on a walk, where-ever there is an reason or accuse for people to group up and consume in sharing a social habit, there I am right along indulging into its evils. That sub-conscious reminder to quit lingers in the back of my mind for later days and meanwhile I can un-regrettable smoke down a cancer stick believing in my youth! Even have wondered about the damage of my last 3 years has not stopped me from taking the quit serious. My self-control has failed me one too many cigarettes. I have come to terms with being a smoker! Never before have I believed such of myself but I cannot deny the obvious. I've been able to go weeks without but the first stress curve ball thrown at me and I just want to say fuck it! I need to imagine myself smoking sometimes in a social setting quite different from the usually. I think of my Grandparents old rental house in the shit town I grew up in. The walls were brown and yellow and smelled of thick smoke. The renter was a fat middle aged divorced hag, whom would spend her days caved inside the darkness of closed curtains with a the lone light from the television staring Jerry Springer show on. I remember going in with my Grandpa to collect rent, and she looked days old from showering. White stained shirt and shorts, dirty food plates beside the chair her fat ass never appeared to move from but the worst of it she was a heavy smoker. The smoke was so thick! I remember being completely grossed the fuck out and believing to myself I would never become a smoker on that image alone! The reality of smoking sometimes has to set in thicker to your head then smoke to your lungs to get it I suppose! I'm only a hypocrite onto myself. I wish I could enjoy a smoke and it only met I looked as cool and mysterious as some picture portray but the reality is more severe then we allow our minds to believe with each new inhale! How much sexier could I really be years later by eliminating the habit before its too late!

• Skin: Due to poor blood circulation and a loss of oxygen, the skin loses its luster and plumpness.
• Mouth: Bad breath, mouth cancer, sore throat, reduced sense of taste, as well as stained teeth and plaque are the common effects of smoking.
• Hands: Poor blood circulation leaves your hands cold.
• Respiratory System: Lung cancer as well as bronchitis, constant shortness of breath and persistent cough with sputum are the common respiratory conditions you can get.
• Heart: Many heart attacks can be traced to smoking, which blocks and weakens the arteries and constricts blood vessels.
• Bones: Osteoporosis, spine and hip fractures, and degenerative disc disease can all be traced back to smoking.
• Reproductive System: Many couples have trouble conceiving a child. Infertility is often an issue with heavy and chronic smokers, both male and female. While smoking lowers the sperm counts and decreases sperm motility in men, women face difficulty ovulating.
• Other body organs: There are many harmful effects of smoking on the human body which include cancers of the esophagus, abdomen, pancreas, kidneys, bladder and colon, in addition to blood diseases, decreased circulation to the feet and toes and difficulty recovering from wounds.